The Shambles That Is High Street Sizing, Illustrated By My Underwear Drawer
I bought a bralette. How exciting. It was green, had daisies on it. I love a daisy so this was a bonus. It was from Topshop and I have big boobs, so I went for a size 18 with the vague idea that I would be able to sew the bust band to fit me.
Nine agonising days later, the parcel arrived and I excitedly pulled out the bralette. Size 18 my arse. This flimsy item was, by no stretch of the imagination, a size 18.
The triangle nipple coverage part ensured I had jelly boob from all angles; meanwhile the bust band fit. I should probably explain jelly boobs here, for anyone who is expecting a dessert. Jelly boobs is what I call it when I put a bra on and my boobs ooze out of the gaps that boobs are not supposed to ooze from.
My curiosity got the better of me and I got my tape measure out. This has been happening a lot recently and my obsession with measuring clothes is what brought this article into existence. The band measured 32inches. I’ve done a little bit of research here and have found, as you can see on this nifty graph, that a size 18 bust is generally considered to be about 43 inches. Even at Topshop, where I purchased said bralette, they claim that their size 18 is 42.9 inches. That’s a lot of inches of difference and not very size inclusive as this apparent ‘size 18’ is the biggest size they offered.
Another level of annoyance came as I had bought the matching knicker. I still like the daisies, but unfortunately the knicker is a thong and I’m not really a wearer of thongs, and now I have a green thong that I cannot return and is probably just going to sit in my drawer until I get too lazy to do any laundry, and then I’ll spend that day complaining that I’m wearing a thong. (There’s a small side note here, I tried the thong on and it cut off circulation to my ovaries. But now that it has touched my bum, I guess it will live undisturbed in my drawer for eternity.)
This sizing had almost as little meaning as the 32inch bralette I bought from Boux Avenue and had to return twice until I bought the 36inch bust - which, with the help of my nifty tape measure, I have discovered is actually a 32inch and yet again the biggest size available. The 32 inch was actually an impressive 25 inches and could be stretched only to 30 inches. This however, still prevented me from breathing and I chose comfort. Despite this odd sizing, this bralette does have good triangle coverage and the jelly boob isn’t an issue.
All of this got me thinking about clothing sizes. It’s something I get angry about roughly once a year. But this time, it has been intensified as I’ve been trying to overhaul all of my underwear and get rid of those weird knickers with smiling sushi that I’ve had since I was 17.
But buying underwear on the internet is almost impossible. The picture below shows three pairs of knickers I bought from Topshop in one go; including the thong. They are all described as a size 12. But this number is ceasing to have any meaning.
Image courtesy of Hana Kelly
I got a little technical with this, and compared these Topshop size 12 knickers with some Marks & Spencer size 12 knickers. All this actually proved is that a size 12 is pretty much arbitrary.
To combat this, I decided to do my laundry. I washed a whole bunch of undies and then used that random sample, basically whatever I’ve been wearing for the past week, to make these lovely tables which examine the believability of sizing. I will admit this isn’t a totally random data set – we are in lockdown after all – instead it’s a random sample of my own knicker drawer, excluding the worst of my collection as I generally pick through what’s available to find my favourites, compared against the average inch size from a selection of high street websites.
From this set, I pulled out a size 10 (or small) from each shop and compared them. I compared them while they lay limp and were not being stretched over my bottom; it seemed the only fair way I could figure out how to measure them. I also only chose knickers that sit on hips. This way, they could be different styles, but generally expected to sit in the same place. Finally, I will admit that I like a brazilian cut, and most of the knickers in this study are this style.
Graph comparing five pairs of knickers, from my own knicker drawer. (Measured when lying flat, unstretched.) (M&S, ASDA, Accessorize, Boux Avenue, Bravissimo)
Perhaps interestingly, I found that the two pairs bought from actual underwear shops were on the smaller side. But this again is pretty arbitrary as the sizes don’t actually seem to relate to any real numbers.
The whole system is so ridiculous that we could at least make it more fun. I’ve done research into how much boobs weigh in terms of birds. For me, with 32F boobs, apparently weighing in at 1.4 kilograms, my breasts are roughly the size of a large duck. Meanwhile, a friend who has 34D boobs, and can easily find daisy bralettes in all shops, has the weight of a partridge across her chest.
I think measuring sizing by birds makes more sense, as we can actually comprehend what a duck looks like. I’m much happier now comparing myself to a duck than I ever was worrying about why I was a different size in every shop. But I have no idea if I will ever find a bralette that is in my ‘size’, doesn’t cause jelly boob, and has enough support so I could walk down the stairs without a boob making an attempt for escape.
Of course, all of these graphs don’t actually mean much. All they are really showing is that there is no real regulation going into what constitutes a size 10 or a size 18. A size 10 in one shop could be a size 12 in another shop, or even a size 8 in that first shop on a different day.
The same, of course, is true for the plus sized market. A thorough lack of regulation means you could be a size 18 in a store that caters for you directly, and find that your size does not exist in other shops, even those with size 18 labels. This is a particular pickle, as you certainly exist, as do the clothes you normally wear. But many shops' refusal to create clothing that is size inclusive does nothing but create a weirdly pointless barrier between them and more customers.
I can’t buy underwear in most high street shops. So you know what? I don’t buy underwear from high street shops. Their options are not inclusive and while I’d love to wear that pretty bralette, I’d rather my boobs sit happy in an aged sports bra.
Clothing sizes do not actually matter. What matters is how you feel when you put the clothes on. If you slay on Monday in a size 22 and on Thursday in a 18, then that is all that matters. If your boobs fit in your bra and they’re not causing back pain, and you are comfortable, then what does it matter what the tiny, and often itchy, little label says? Chances are we’re just going to cut it off anyway.
